Now the Times of London is reporting that, in addition to nine geese, Friday’s opening ceremony will also feature 30 Mary Poppinses fighting a 40-foot Voldemort [subscription only link], probably because someone suggested it as a joke but it would be embarrassing to scrap the plan now that they’ve already hired actors to portray the Poppinses.
But don’t worry if you think this sounds ridiculous. 40-foot-Voldemort will be worked seamlessly into the ceremony’s “Isles of Wonder” storyline.
Before 40-foot-Voldemort appears, “about 100” children will be wheeled out on hospital beds to perform “a choreographed ‘bed dance,’” which sounds quite sexy but probably is not.
To these one hundredish beds will be added a dozen more “giant” ones, on which will dance/frolic/be such beloved storybook characters as The One Hundred and One Dalmatians’ dog-skinning villain Cruella de Vil.
Then and only then will 40-foot-Voldemort himself arrive, rising up from yet another giant bed in the middle of the stadium. To recap: All the action to this point has taken place in some sort of bed.
The Times reports that Voldemort’s arrival “will coincide with dozens of Dementors—creatures that feed off human happiness—streaming into the arena from all directions and scaring the children,” because that’s what Britain is all about.